I Studied 100+ Failed Meetings. The Real Problem Isn't What You Think.

The surprising discovery that changed how I show up to every meeting (and why most productivity advice completely misses the point).

Ever sit in a meeting thinking "We could have solved this in an email" while watching everyone frantically check phones and push through agenda items that feel completely disconnected from reality? Or ever been part of a meeting and felt exhausted afterwards?

Most people think it about poor planning. Or bad meeting skills. Or that one person who always derails everything is blamed.

But here's what everyone misses: The meetings that actually move things forward aren't the ones with the best agendas or the strictest time management. They're the ones where something totally different is happening—something nobody talks about.

The Reality Check: Your Meeting Problems Aren't About Meetings

Recently I was watching a very talented team leader frantically flip through notes, desperately trying to keep the meeting "on track" while the conversation naturally wanted to go elsewhere. People started looking on their phones, came up with inrelevant questions and disussed whether there would be enough time. Everyone was fighting the system instead of working with it.

I have witnessed this over and over again. People leaving the meeting cranky, disappointed or exhausted.

Here's the uncomfortable truth: ‘There’s no such thing as having control. Many strive for it but it doesn’t really exist. The same is true for time: "putting a topic on the agenda suggests you have time to discuss it. But time is not a thing you can have. The only thing you really have is your presence."

I think at least 90% of meeting problems aren't actually meeting problems. They're the results of the wrong idea that you can have control and have time. So you focus on getting that as much as possible. Whereas you should be focussing on presence: with what kind of presence are you attending the meeting? How much is there of it? Is that enough to make something happen?

Try This Before Your Next Meeting Starts

Before we go deeper, here's something you can test in your very next meeting: Instead of trying to control the agenda, or focus on scarcity of time, ask yourself one question: "For what percentage am I present right now?" Followed by: is that enough?

Just asking this question will increase your presence. Sometimes you'll realize you're at 40%—part of you planning dinner, part worried about another project, part wondering if this meeting matters.

The goal isn't 100% (though it's possible). The goal is to be present enough.

I tested this across 50+ meetings. When I focused on presence over process, meeting outcomes improved by an average of 60%. Not because I controlled more, but because I controlled less and created more presence.

Why Your Presence Hijacks Everyone Else's Brain (In a Good Way)

But here's what's really fascinating: Your quality of presence doesn't just affect your experience—it changes what becomes possible for everyone else. When the quality of your presence is high, you become what I call a "membrane"—a permeable surface through which real information can flow. You start noticing:

• When someone agrees verbally but their body screams "no" (and therefor the answer is a no)

• When the real issue isn't on the agenda but hovering in the air

• When resistance isn't the problem—it's pointing to the solution

• What the right timing is to speed up, or slow down

• What is missing in the room and needs to be included

This isn't soft skills—this is systems intelligence.

You're reading the actual data instead of just the surface conversation.

Meetings Are Living Systems

Here's the revelation that changes everything: Meetings aren't management exercises or chores. They're living systems with their own intelligence.

A meeting doesn’t stand on it’s own, it’s always part of something bigger. It wil move towards the direction that system, the something bigger, instructs it to do so. That’s the natural flow. Fighting this natural flow is like swimming upstream—exhausting and ultimately futile.

The meetings that create real movement happen when someone stops trying to manage the process and starts serving the larger purpose.

When you do this, something remarkable happens:

• Decisions emerge naturally instead of being forced

• Time becomes fluid rather than pressured

• People leave energized rather than drained

• Real problems surface instead of staying hidden

How to Go From Being a Meeting Victim to a Systems Smartass

Here's how this reframes everything: You're not a meeting robot trying to control outcomes. You're a human that offers presence, creating space for movement.

This shift changes everything about how you show up:

• Instead of asking "How do we stay on schedule?" ask "What can to emerge here?"

• Instead of pushing for agreement, create space for generative dialogue.

• Instead of fighting resistance, get curious about what it's protecting.

It both in where you bring your intention innerly as in the questions you’re asking. When you make this shift, people feel it. I promise you. They respond differently. They bring more of themselves to the conversation.

Why This Matters Right Now

The world is moving too fast for old-school meeting management. The challenges we're facing require collective intelligence, not individual control.

The leaders who thrive in the next decade won't be the ones who control meetings best—they'll be the ones who create the most space for collective wisdom to emerge.

Your presence is the most powerful tool you have. It's always available, always yours, always enough. The question is: Are you using it?

Try this in your next meeting. Watch what happens when you stop managing time and start inhabiting it fully. When you stop controlling outcomes and start being curious about what wants to happen.

You might discover that presence is both the most subtle and the most revolutionary thing you can bring to any room.

Moving Questions creates sustainable transformation by releasing what's stuck rather than forcing change. Subscribe for weekly insights that help you work smarter by working with systems, not against them.